Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
