I hate your face
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
ugly people sure do ruin things
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Randomize
