When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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