Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
