I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize