dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
