sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
