I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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