I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
