Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
