They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize