Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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