"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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