I am puke
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
