I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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