I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
