remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
