Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Randomize
