I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
