i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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