i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
