Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize