So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
