for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
