It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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