i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
