I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize