none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
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