My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize