remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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