my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
