her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize