Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
