Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
