Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize