New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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