Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
