your thong is hanging out like whoa
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
