Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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