Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Is Oprah even human
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
