WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
These tits shall not be calmed
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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