Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize