My friends, they love my intelligence
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
