did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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