I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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