What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize