i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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