need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize