also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
