Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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