I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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