This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
