I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
