just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
porn star boner night. come get it.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
being pregnant is like rehab
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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