That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
