my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
