Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just had sex bonerless
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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