I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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