OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
