I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
