worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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