We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
