I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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